Tomorrow (or today, since it is three in the morning) marks one month in my new apartment with my fantastic roommate, Emily. Our friends always told us we were similar, but now that we live together, it's pretty ridiculous. We really should be just one person.
In the past week, I have seen, for the first time ever: Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, The Truman Show, and three episodes of Lost from season 2 (in which I was completely lost, because I have yet to see anything from any other season). My d-group of 8th grade girls reminded me that I am completely uncultured in movie history, and next on their list is the Star Wars saga. Apparently there are 6 films??
Today I hit a bit of a low-point (as in I cried. a lot). I am emotionally tapped out this week, folks. Lot's of people with all their problems, and I can't fix them. Quite frankly I don't want to. God's sovereignty takes a lot off of my shoulders. My emotional bucket emptied not because of the volume that I dealt with this week (which was above average), but because of the hard words needed in a few situations. There's a big difference between real crisis and complainers. I had a lot of bitter, controlling complainers this week, to which I do not lend my sympathy. When I have a best friend who's 50 year old mother (who weighs 82 lbs) is on her death bed after a 7 year down-hill battle with lung cancer, it's hard for me to deal with petty things. There's a difference between "prayer intercessor's" and gossips trying to make themselves look righteous compared to their peers. Compare yourself to Jesus and tell me how righteous you find yourself. Hard words wear me out quicker than anything.
This week, as soon as possible, I will hike with no books, no cell phone, no facebook, no email, no voices, no people, no hard words, and no confrontation, in the woods north Arkansas. I am a realist who often errs on the side of cold heartedness. Right now I feel that I am cold, harsh, distant, unsympathetic, and completely lacking in compassion and grace for others. When I get in modes like this, it is easy for me to stick my nose into some long, dry systematic theology book and stay lost in my own thoughts for a time. But it's not summer anymore, and I don't get to do whatever the heck I want. The reality is that I will be around a lot of people for 6 of 7 days a week. I need a day to think about my response to grace and the gospel. With that in perspective, I'll think about my response to other's and their situations. Usually when this happens to me it reveals my own prideful heart, one that's full of advice but can never seem to take any. My goal is to dig, repent, and come home as a more balanced compassionate contender for truth. I can't wait for the woods.
I'l keep you posted...
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